The Land Down Under is a Really Strange Place
by The Awesome Meeeee
Summary: We all know about America, Great Britain, France and China... But do we know about Aussies? Australia: The one country with over a hundred animals that could kill you by accident! And the people―they are seriously strange. Here's weird things Aussies do/have! Yay! P.S. I don't own Hetalia
1. What is this Foul Concoction?

**What is this Foul Concoction?**

* * *

"G'day mate!" Australia bounced into the room with his trusty Koala on shoulder

"Ve~"

"Konichiwa, Australia-san."

"Good morning."

"Bonjour, Australie!"

"Australia, bueno días!"

"Hahahaha! Hey! What's up, Australia?!" America shouted from across the room, his blue eyes narrowed at the jar in the Oceanic nation's hand. "What d'ya have there, dude?"

"This?" Australia lifted up the jar to his eye level, revealing a logo that spelled out 'VEGEMITE.' "Just my breakfast, vegemite. D'ya want some?"

"Ooooh! What is it?"

"It's a yeast paste that we spread on bread." Australia gave America a thumbs up, "It's delicious! Like nothing you've ever tried before."

In the background, England had a conflicted face. One moment he was chuckling like mad muttering, ' _you deserve this,'_ then the next he was panicking and making mouthing motions at America.

America's eyes glittered, he had heard of the famous Vegemite but had never tried it, "Can I have some?"

"Sure!" From god knows where, Australia whipped out two pieces of toast, a knife and butter. Spreading a layer of creamy butter on both, he handed one piece to America then opened the jar.

He took a small amount of Vegemite and carefully spread it onto his toast then offered the knife to America who smiled.

The American looked at Australia's piece with knit eyebrows. It had a ton of butter and almost NO VEGE-stuff! Immediately America jabbed his knife into the jar and took a huge scoop of the dark food and splat it all over his bread.

Setting down the knife, he brought the toast up to his mouth,

"America! Wait¾!" England cried.

But it was too late.

America tasted death.

"Australia!" England scolded over said nation's snickers, "Why didn't you stop him from eating that much in one go!?"

"Awww, Mum, don't get cranky! It's hilarious watching foreigners eating Vegemite!"

"Don't call me mum!"

* * *

 **This is my first Hetalia fanfiction. So as you've probably guess, I'm Australian, but feel free to correct me cuz I'm an immigrant. I even talk in a mix of a Canadian and Australian accent.**

 **I feel kind of awkward writing in an Australian accent because most Australians don't talk in the stereotypical accent with the 'G'day mate!' Really, now it's quite hard to find. And I hate Vegemite. Just got to put it out there. One bite when I was in kindergarden and I was all like, '** ** _NON MI PIACE!'_** **But if you do want to try it, make sure you eat it** ** _THINLY_** **don't stick your finger in the jar and eat it because trust me. IT IS HORRIBLE!**

 **If you've got any suggestion or complaints please put it in the reviews and NO FLAMES! Please, I get that you might me angry and all but honestly, the flames do** ** _nothing_** **. Oh... they might end the story. I've seen that happen before but I think I'd just ignore you if you send me one.**


	2. Oh look, a Red-Back Spider

**Oh Look, a Red-Back Spider.**

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A flash of blonde hair and brown clothing ran past Australia. The southern nation blinked before turning his head to stare at the man hiding behind his back.

"America, what are you doing?"

America shook his head and clutched Australia's clothes harder, "N-n-n-nothing! The h-hero is ju-just ta-taking a sh-short walk!"

Australia shrugged, "Alrighty then." And he began to walk to the conference room.

"NO!" America shouted.

Green eyes looked at him puzzled, "What? Did I do something wrong?"

"N-no…"

 _'_ _This must be an American thing_!' Australia concluded and continued to walk away.

"W-wait!" America began to pull at Australia's uniform.

"GAO!" The Aussie's trusty koala companion growled at the American and used it claws to cut into skin.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" America screamed, "DROP BEAR!"

"Crikey, America," Australia began, "drop bears don't exist." He turned around to see empty space. "America?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" This time, the scream was higher, "BLOODY HELL!"

Australia ran to the meeting room in alarm–it was England's voice.

Slamming the door to the conference room, Australia yelled, "What's the problem!?"

Something was strange. All the personifications were standing either on a chair or the table, some (like Poland) were curled up in balls and others were looking around like crazy madmen.

"What's going on here?"

"Veee! Australia! Run away!" Italy's muffled voice rang through the room. He was currently sobbing into Germany's shirt.

"Crikey! What's everyone doing?" Australia said in wonder, scratching his head.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! AWAY! AWAY YOU BLOODY BASTARD!" England yelled from his chair, he was holding a pencil in his hand out like a weapon.

"Mum? What are you doing? Are you seeing delusions again?"

"The fairies are not delusions!" England snapped, "And don't call me mum!"

Australia moved calmly towards the former empire, ignoring the cries to run away. Really, he expected to see something horrifying. Like a random heart, or even a cockroach.

But sitting in front of England's hysterical form was a spider. A small red-back spider the size of Australia's pinky.

Turning around, Australia said, "So why are you screaming like ankle-biters?"

"Australia! It's climbing on your foot!" England warned frantically, "Don't move!"

Australia took no notice of England's words, he walked over to the table and took a piece of paper and a glass (most likely Germany's). He slid the paper underneath the spider and covered the arachnid with the glass.

"I got it!" the brunet exclaimed then made a puzzled face, "So why were you mates acting potty? It's not like it was a Funnel Web."

"Dude!" America appeared at the doorway, "It's a _SPIDER!_ It's creepy, crawly, hairy, ugly and **_POISONOUS!_** We might be killed!"

"Mate, no one has died from a spider bite in me country since 1979! And around 2000 Aussies are bitten each year!" A grin wormed it's way onto Australia's face, "But I tell you, it bloody hurts!"

"But you've got the deadliest spiders eva!" America argued.

"Mate, you better run or I'll set this pretty Sheila on you."

America wasn't seen for the rest of the day.

* * *

 **YAY! Chapter 2! Quite honestly, no one has died from Spider bites in a long time, and my dad told me this-he's a doctor. People make a really big deal about the Red-Back Spider because the bites are so bloody painful! (Not that I've been bitten,.) Even then, the Red-Back doesn't even eject venom all the time and it's just like a painful bee sting.**

 **Although, I'm not trying to say that all Australians are fearless of spiders, we've just got a heck of a lot that it's like normal to see one. Mate, I killed one in my classroom by just slamming my notebook on it, it's not that hard to kill-it's easier than killing a fly!**

 **Nevermind that, I really need ideas for future chapters, so far I've only got around 25 planned out cuz I'm not sure if other places do things like what we do here. If you have ideas please either review or PM me!**

 **Btw, how does one get a Beta Tester? And how do you like work stuff out with them? Email?**


	3. What the Hell is that Thing?

**What the Hell is that Thing?**

* * *

"Welcome to the land down under, mate!"

"Arigato gozaimasu, Australia-san for inviting me." "No worries!" Japan blinked.

"Ah… What does ' _No worries_ ' mean?" He asked and was startled when he was met with a laugh.

"Sorry, sorry," Australia waved, "No worries is like…" He hummed in though, "Ah! Your welcome, I guess?"

Japan chuckled, "That seems a bit strange."

"Yep! But my people are the ones who came up with it so I'm proud of it!" Australia puffed out his chest and his Koala did the same.

"Oh! Japan, look!" Australia pointed in the direction of the sea, "You've got to see this!"

The Asian nation turned his attention to the ground. He blinked once. Then, he screamed.

"Kamo! Kawauso! Biba!"

"Uhhhh… Is that some Japanese thing?" Australia questioned, his Koala growled, in agreement. "It's just a Platypus."

"IEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Japan backed away rapidly muttering curses in his native language.

"What's wrong mate?" Australia scratched his head, "You've got the same reaction as Mum did when he first saw one of those pretty things. I thought you'd be more like America."

Really, it was the strangest thing Japan had ever laid eyes on and he had _anime._ This strange… _creature_ was a furry thing with a bill of a duck, a tail of a beaver and feet of an otter. It's whole body was covered in a brown fur that was shaggy and wet.

"A-Australia-san…. What is that thing?"

"A platypus."

"Excuse me?"

"A platypus, a duck-billed platypus."

"Kamonohashi?"

Australia blinked, "A what?"

"Eto… A duck bill, Kamonohashi." Japan said, "Is it a mammal?"

"Yep!" His eyebrows furrowed in thought, "But it lays eggs…"

"Nani? Eggs? But-! How?"

"It's a Monotreme. Like Echidnas. Platypus are one of the only types that lays eggs."

Japan looked so confused, his head was spinning with this new information. A mammal. That lays eggs. Impossible.

"…Could we rest for a little bit? I'm starting to feel a bit tired-Jet lag."

Australia looked up at the sky. "…It's about 10am… so I suppose we have time." Then he jumped up enthusiastically, "I've got so much to show you! Like the Big Cigar, the Big Wine Bottle, the Big Miner, the Big Abalone, the Big Ned Kelly, the Big Mallee Bull... So much to see!"

Japan blinked, "What?" He had no idea what the southern nation was talking about.

"Also… don't touch that." He pointed at the platypus, "It's male and has venom on it's hind leg. It hurts like a bitch."

* * *

 **Sorry, really short chapter, not much I can really write about the platypus because I thought it was completely normal. But it is seriously weird, like someone decided to butcher a couple of animals and stick it back together again, somehow creating the Platypus. But the males really are poisonous, but they won't kill you. It just really hurts.**

 **The big things I was talking about is an Australian thing. Big things everywhere, Big Scotsman, Big Miner, Big Red-Back Spider, Big Koala, Big Pineapple, too many big things... although, they are Ok.**

 **P.S. I live near the Big Scotsman but it's so ugly we've never taken a picture next to it. (Sorry mum!)**


	4. Welcome to Pork Jackson, Pommies!

**Welcome to Port Jackson, Pommies!**

* * *

The 26th of January. A day for all Aussie of the world. The day when good the good, old, blokes from O.S. decided they would stop ignoring the Lucky Country which lead to it being filled it with convicts.

But Australia always loved and hated this time of year. It was hot and dry with UV levels soaring higher every year. All Australia wanted to do was retreat to the southern shores of South Australia or Tasmania and bask/surf in the ice cold waters.

Unfortunately for him, every year he was dragged away by his own government for the Australian of the Year Awards, announcements of the Australia Day Honours list and addresses from the Governor-General (Cosgrove) and the Prime Minister (Turnbull). His only saving grace was the long weekend he and his citizens would receive.

Yet, for Australia, the pros surely outshined the cons. There were always family get-togethers, concerts, competitions, barbies, festivals and fireworks held across the country. Most of the citizenship ceremonies took place on his birthday. While they were bloody long and boring, it was always a beauty to see a new True Blue Aussie Citizen.

That's why the Aussie could tolerate having his Koala stolen, being shoved in a stiff tux and being forced to stand onstage like someone important for hours (he never understood how others did it-it was like hell on earth).

By the time he was done it was nearly pitch black. His house in Sydney was empty, but his ears rung from the constant noise of the crickets.

"Crikey…" Australia muttered, "Where are those bloody lights again?" he groped the wall aimlessly then felt a… squishy objects?!

The lights flicked on and light flooded Australia's eyes

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" A heavily decorated cake was shoved into the personification's face. It had the number 299 and many Australian Idioms like kangaroos and footballs covering the top.

Standing in Australia's doorway were Wy, Hutt River, Seborga, Tonga, Kangaroo Island, Christmas Island, Norfolk Island, New Zealand, Fiji…. Well, a lot of people (micronations and pacific island personifications) Australia knew.

"Why are you all here?" Australia asked with wide eyes.

"Well," New Zealand looked at Australia, patting his sheep, "this is your birthday party."

Australia looked all the people who had come to celebrate his birthday, he thought he was going to just spend it alone. It wasn't as if he had made any plans.

"Are you going to continue to gawk? Or get in and eat the Lamingtons?"

Australia smiled.

"As long as the Kiwi's shouting."

* * *

 **Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I was on holidays in the Philippines. Man the food was good! But the last two weeks were hell for my stomach. If you ever go to Bacolod (an island), you should definitely go to my uncle's bar, Trapdoor. It is so cool. I mean like, the entrance is a random spade sticking out of a car park wall. And the servers perform magic tricks!**

 **Anyway, this chapter turned out to be half a monologue and I didn't include England like I should've!** **L** **I really wanted to go on about how some people don't like Australia day because they're all like, "** ** _IT'S THE DAY WHEN THE POMMIES ARRIVED AND IT LEAD TO THE DESTRUCTION OF THE ABORIGINAL CULTURE!"_**

 **Seriously speaking I don't really celebrate Australia Day. I mean, like, I spend time with family and find out who the Australian of the year is 6 months later, but other than that? Nothing.**

 **Also, below are some meanings of the slang used;**

 **Australian Slang**

 **Pommies** : Brits, I dunno why their called that.

 **Bloke:** Man, it is only really used by old, white Aussies

 **O.S.:** Over Seas

 **Lucky Country:** Australia, duh.

 **Barbie:** Barbecue

 **Bloody:** Very, this term is not as rude as how the British use it

 **True Blue:** A patriotic Australian, got this meaning from a site because I can't think of any better way to explain it

 **Gawk:** To stare at

 **Kiwi:** New Zealander

 **Shout:** To pay for a round of drinks

 **Btw, can you guys give me ideas for my next chapter? I need more motivation! Also, does anyone know Australia's Koala's name? Or do I need to name it something like Dropbear or Shelia?**


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